How to minimise the impact of divorce on children

Divorce is a challenging transition, not just for parents but also for children. It can disrupt a child's sense of stability, impact their emotional well-being, and alter their routines. However, with thoughtful handling, parents can help their child navigate this change in a way that minimises stress and fosters resilience.

Understanding the emotional impact of divorce
From a psychological perspective, divorce can have both short and long term effects on a child’s development. In the short term, many children experience sadness, fear, anxiety, anger, and confusion. Some may even blame themselves for the separation, believing their behaviour caused it. These emotions can lead to behavioural changes such as increased aggression, regressive behaviours (e.g., bedwetting), sleep disturbances, or changes in appetite. Academic struggles and social withdrawal are also common. In teenagers, there is an increased risk of substance use and depressive symptoms.

The way in which a divorce is managed plays a crucial role in shaping a child's experience. Exposure to ongoing conflict between parents can heighten stress, while a well-handled separation can help a child adapt more smoothly. In some cases, particularly when domestic violence is involved, divorce may even provide a sense of relief and security for the child.

Strategies to support children through divorce
While divorce is never easy, there are several strategies parents can use to help their child adjust in a healthy way:

• Maintain stability and security
  Children need to feel safe, even amidst major life changes. Parents should reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that they are loved unconditionally by both parents. Clearly explaining upcoming changes, such as living arrangements, in an age-appropriate manner can help ease anxiety. Establishing and maintaining consistent routines is also essential. Involvement from other close family members, such as grandparents, can provide additional stability—so long as they avoid criticising the other parent or discussing the details of the divorce in front of the child.
• Create a sense of belonging in both homes
  Children should feel at home with both parents. This means ensuring they have their own space (physically and emotionally) in both households. If new partners or step-siblings are involved, extra care should be taken to make the child feel valued and included. Spending quality time with each parent separately is key to strengthening relationships post-divorce.
• Avoid placing emotional burdens on the child
  Children should not be made to take on adult responsibilities. "Parentification" (where a child is expected to provide emotional support to a parent or take on excessive caregiving responsibilities) can be harmful to their development. It is important to allow children to focus on their own growth, education, and social life, rather than expecting them to mediate between parents or take care of younger siblings beyond their capacity.
• Encourage positive co-parenting and communication
  Whenever possible, parents should aim to co-parent amicably. Major decisions, such as rules and boundaries, should be agreed upon together to provide consistency. If appropriate, parents can coordinate efforts to ensure both are present at important events, such as birthdays or school functions, reinforcing a sense of support and unity for the child.
• Provide external support networks
  Children benefit from having additional sources of support outside the family unit. Schools, extracurricular activities, and trusted family friends can provide reassurance and a sense of normalcy. Encouraging social interaction and participation in enjoyable activities can also help distract from stress and build resilience.
• Seek professional help when needed
  If a child shows signs of significant emotional distress, such as prolonged sadness, withdrawal, or behavioural changes, seeking professional help can be beneficial. A psychologist can provide tailored strategies to help both the child and parents navigate the emotional impact of divorce, ensuring a healthier transition for everyone involved.